A Compassionate Heart

While I’m not quite sure where this is going – it has been on my mind nonstop since Friday morning. So bare with me, as I set up the scene, and I suppose let Spirit help me do the talking.


It was a dreary, rainy Friday morning. I was driving down the Northway with a pit in my stomach and my hands starting to sweat. My cell phone rang a few times with friend’s wishing me luck, giving me words of encouragement, and lots of sweet TLC. And of course, I’m sure that my dear husband (who was in the passenger seat) was wondering if he should be driving as he glanced over at the speedometer.

Where were we going, you might be asking? Well, this past Friday I had the pleasure of going on “date” with my wonderful Urologist…Dr. Chang.

Well, let’s be honest here, it wasn’t really a date. But at this point, anything that involves the lovely Dr. Chang, him removing my remaining kidney stones, a nice Anesthesiologist, and a trip to the hospital…it’s totally a date! (Insert my husband’s eye roll and laughter here…)

These pesky stones have been lingering inside of me since probably the mid-way point of my pregnancy with Celia (my almost 6 month old daughter). And after weeks of me negotiating non-surgical options with Dr. Chang (“Really, I can pass them Dr. Chang, I’m tough…just give me time!”), we came to the conclusion that theses stones needed to leave my poor kidneys once and for all.

I perhaps, could be the self-crowned “Kidney Stone Queen” – passing 31 during my pregnancy with my son Ethan, and then another 37 stones while pregnant Celia. And of course- we can’t forget all the miscellaneous ones I’ve passed here and there over the past 11 years too! But I won’t brag…(Wink! Wink!)...it’s been an interesting topic of conversation that’s for sure. And I’m not sure how or when I got to a place where I was able to laugh about the fact that I have so many kidney stones, but at one point, it was the only thing left to do.

So back to my date…

After getting checked into the hospital, I was finally wheeled down to the “pre-op” area and was rolled over into bay #1. As I was sitting on my gurney waiting for Dr. Chang and Anesthesia to come over – a small crowd of staff, nurses, and doctors started to form over near the pre-op desk.

A small woman in a pink scrub jacket seemed to be in charge. Her voice was quite loud and upbeat, and she began to start giving orders to who was going to take care of this, be sure to stock up on that, and almost seemed to be like a coach warming up her team before a big game. What I didn’t realize, what this big game they were preparing for, was someone’s actual heart-transplant.

I couldn’t believe my ears – especially when the woman said that the recipient was on his way down and that the “in-house” heart would be ready shortly as well. My mind started to race and while I truly felt that I was in no-frame of mind to “tune into” something – I couldn’t help it. I could feel myself being surrounded by such divine light and energy --- almost like an entire team of Angels, Spirits, and Healers were getting ready to work with each and every one of these people to make sure this recipient’s life was extended. And of course, I could not help but to think of the in-house heart donor. What happened? Was the individual young, a male or female? How did they pass away? Does their family know that their loved-one’s heart is on its way to making someone else’s life whole again?

As my mind was truly on “psychic” overdrive at this moment, another crowd gathered by the elevator and they slowly rolled the recipient off and over into bay #4 where they started to prep him for this life changing event.

Here I was laying in this uncomfortable gurney, feeling so nervous and anxious about my silly kidney stones, while this man who was resting four bed’s down from me had his life resting on the very competent hands of some truly amazing doctors and nurses, and of course someone else’s very functional and healthy heart.

Unfortunately, as the commotion was starting to happen, the lovely Dr. Chang came over to touch in with me and let me know we’d be ready to “go” shortly. Anesthesia followed suite, and the next thing I knew I was being wheeled into a very cold operating room. I was being comforted by such loving nurses who were trying to ease my silly anxiety. My eyes filled up with tears and a lump started to sit in my throat, all I kept thinking was “I’ve had this surgery before, why was I feeling so anxious and nervous.” Moments later I must have been given lovely “cocktail” of sorts from the Anesthesiologist, as I only remember waking up at some point later in the recovery room. And even reflecting back now – I honestly wonder if what I was feeling was not really my own anxiety, but perhaps the higher self of the heart recipient?

I have no idea what happened to that man awaiting his heart transplant. And even as I’ve been recouping the past couple days now and trying to do nothing more than just that, my head and heart can’t stop going back to those two individuals: the recipient and the donor.

Spirit is telling me that the recipient is doing wonderfully…slowly mending and working hard to keep that healthy heart viable in his body. And the donor…I just keep seeing this beautiful young woman’s face smiling down upon the recipient, knowing that a part of herself is still living on in someone else now.

There are just moments where it truly blows my mind to think how fragile life is. How someone’s life can change so dramatically in a matter of days, hours, or even moments. How good news for one person (getting that heart you’ve been waiting for), can also be devastating news to another (losing the loved one who’s heart is to go to someone else). I mean, it’s truly amazing that we, as a society, have the technology to save another person’s life by transplanting another human being’s heart into someone else’s body.

Life is so good…life is truly so very good.

And as I said above, me and my kidney’s…we’re recouping and resting…letting everything settle back into its natural place and order. I’ve been putting such great intentions of gratitude out to the Universe for the very awesome Dr. Chang as well. Right now…it just seems that life, as a whole, has become so much clearer.